We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
