WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We have started to decorate penises.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
