matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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