i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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