My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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