Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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