Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
