I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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