If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
