i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
