fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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