i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
