Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
