Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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