shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
