My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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