Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
