I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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