I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
