There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
