so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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