the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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