Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
