I swear she didn't look like that last week.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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