I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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