Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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