Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
