Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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