How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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