I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
