I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
