Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
