at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
