Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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