My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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