An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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