sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
