Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
