You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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