this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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