i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
