I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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