i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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