i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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