dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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