He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.