K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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