when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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