I think I just saw someone hide a body.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize