I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
