You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
