I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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