If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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