i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
