Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
