why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
