She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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