i just had sex bonerless
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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