You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
