what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
