I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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