I accidentally burped into my bong.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
