i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
