SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
