At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
