my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
