I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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