You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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