I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
