im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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