hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
