Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
