thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
