well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
