If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
