I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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