I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
