I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
