I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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