I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
