In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
