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two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
