And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
