It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
