she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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