btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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