Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
