Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
