I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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