need another drink. this is the easiest way
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
